sick dreams!

 sick dreams!

WARNING: Physical healing may affect any levels necessary!

When I get sick, I know sleep is my secret weapon/superpower. I was living in a house with 5 cats and a roommate who worked and slept odd hours. There was a lot of random sound to keep waking me up just when the fever and coughing spells had allowed me to sleep. I took to having a speaker loudly play babbling brook sounds or let classic cartoons run on the tablet beside the bed.

One of those nights, the usual sounds stopped working. I got bored, or the sounds were more distracting than the ones they were blocking. I decided to try a healing frequency based thing I had come across before. 432 hertz or something like that. It was quite repetitive and true to the title, stuck with that one tone while the harmonics wandered a little further. It worked, though! I passed right out.

Still, between the aches and coughing and dripping face, it wasn't a deep sleep by any means. I kept going back to this dream where I was being taught how to solve tough situation type problems with what was around me. The instructor was adamant that I try again and again but that I use something different each time. Each item worked.. a piece of sand, the number 7, a spoon. They took different routes to get to a solution, but they all worked. His examples were intricate and the training felt like it went on for weeks.

Deep in this mode of thinking, my body hurt again and I woke just enough to move a little. I had a strange moment feeling aware of all the infinite cells in my body and all the areas they were grouped into. Many of them claimed they were bored, of all things. I felt bad that I had recently been all up in my head trying to solve depression or motivation or inspiration when my feet just wanted to go walking and my voice just wanted to sing and the muscle memory for countless hymns was antsy to find a piano.

I thought about all this for several days before I sat here to write about it. During those days, I've been playing a set of games from the New York Times people who run Wordle now. The toughest of the daily games is sudoku. In a 9x9 square, each row and column must have all the digits, 1 through 9. There are 9 square areas, 3x3 each, that must also have each of the nine digits. No row, column, or 3x3 square can have more than one of each digit. Every puzzle is seeded with a few numbers and each day I've been reasoning my way through an easy, medium, and hard level. There are several strategies in the solving process. The easiest is when a single number is missing.. all the 9s are there except one, or 1-6 and 8 and 9 are in a 3x3 block. It gets more difficult when a blank space could be any of the digits. Then the strategy is more about eliminating options one by one. The easy level is too easy so I add my own rules, like solving all the 9s then the 8s and so on, or solving every row top to bottom. The medium level is similarly a little too easy so I still add in my own challenges. By the time I get to the hard level, I'm actually relieved to be able to just solve the darn thing!

It was sudoku that put it all together for me. My whole life, if something was repetitive, too easy, or otherwise boring, I would add my own challenges to the activity. I could then maybe forget that the challenges weren't part of the main task. Something like that goes on in my head about getting healthy amounts of physical activity, about sitting down and writing like this, about singing and practicing harmonica and piano, about taking walks and yeah. What I realized is I'm holding myself to solving depression and motivation and inspiration first. Then I can write and sing and walk and play! The thing is, I'm at a hard level in life right now. I'm aging in a body with a disability that was hard enough when I was young and strong. I'm in a new town getting to know and trying to fit into groups that have been tight for years. I can drop my made up challenges. It seems the dream instructor was right.. any little thing I try will work. It will look random and messy. Those bored parts of me are also solutions to depression, motivation and inspiration! There's no reason to inhibit the hidden parts of me that want to play. Everything I try will help weave an intricate life.

WARNING: Physical healing may affect any levels necessary.


practice.. 2023 Dec 29 Fri

what's up

✅ get title fixed

how it went

I got the title all fixed up like the voicemail asked me to. I had the "write again" thought below on the drive home. I played some Beat Saber on the virtual reality gizmo for a good 20-30 minutes. Then I wrote it out to see what I thought.

write again?

okay.. What if I start writing my 1000 words again, but now, they can't be about me? They can be stories or songs or poems.. They can't be about how my day went. I'll also keep the minimal blog entries about how the day and practices are going. Those words will be separate.. not part of the daily 1000. Equivalent time in other practices Yes! How will it all work and look? I don't know. Maybe I build it right here, first. Maybe I stop talking about stuff and stop building systems, and instead just do stuff. hmm.. What would that look like?

bleh.. Maybe I just need to clean up my morning routine and tag on some creation or creative missions, even some actual practice time like singing or on the harmonica and piano? My physical activity missions are pretty weak lately, as well. I might just be saying I could work on all that a little harder.

practice.. 2023 Dec 28 Thu

what's up

✅ get car registered

how it went

Lots of walking! Stop at county clerk. Learn I need a VIN inspection at the police station. Then back to the clerk to move the title to Wyoming.. $25. Walk to next office, treasurer, to get license plates. Find out I need current registration to prove I paid sales tax. Another walk out to the car. Bathroom break at the other end of county building. A little gambling at the casino.. more walking around. Got home and saw a missed call about they forgot to add notes to the title about it's been rebuilt a few times. Driving in tomorrow to get that fixed. Good tired, though. woot!

practice.. 2023 Dec 27 Wed

what's up

jam session

how it went

Pretty easy.. almost slow day.. bleh.. The jam session was pretty great. The wheel broke off one of the rolling stool legs.. ugh!

practice.. 2023 Dec 26 Tue

what's up

breakfast!

how it went

Out in the morning with Ken. No Literary Rug tonight. Thinking about harmonica boxes and remembering I don't want any new tech yet.

Had a nice little time playing harmonica along with the playlist I built last week.

practice.. 2023 Dec 25 Mon

what's up

nothing!

how it went

Sent a couple messages to friends. Lots of napping.

practice.. 2023 Dec 24 Sun

what's up

nothing! Christmas Eve dinner by and with Ken.

how it went

A nice chill Sunday and Ken made a great dinner!

practice.. 2023 Dec 23 Sat

what's up

jam session

how it went

late to jam session.. still fun and the group stayed late. The rest of the day was just chilling with Ken.

practice.. 2023 Dec 22 Fri

what's up

easy day.. no plans

how it went

shopping.. puzzles.. homework on car renewal..

practice.. 2023 Dec 21 Thu

what's up

practice with Riv Side Jam

how it went

Cleaned up and added stuff to the song book! I skipped practice with the side jam people. I did end up playing harmonica and even singing for a while on my own later.

practice.. 2023 Dec 20 Wed

what's up

jam session

how it went

the day

I was up late catching up on the funny little daily report things. I'm still not sure what I'm doing with them on what they're for. A lot of it is just to prove to some future depressed self that I'm not a loser.. to remind myself that I'm in the middle of something I might not remember.. to build trust that I am always doing the next best thing. It doesn't need to exist. At some point I'll just know that the path I took is always the only one I could have taken.

jam session

I don't usually write much about how the jam sessions go. Even this one wasn't very different. I think I'm finally just feeling intentional about them. I'm starting to gather some songs that I want to work on with other musicians. Now to keep up with the song book. I look for a chord chart. I look for a key. I look for a video or audio to play along with. woot! go! I don't need to talk about it.

practice.. 2023 Dec 19 Tue.. literary rug

coming up

literary rug!

how it went

decent.. tried new stories and got audio recorded.

also later.. caught up on the daily notes. I was at the library early and started thinking about all the stuff I used to do. I cleaned up and updated some practices. They're living in capacities.io and more freeform stuff is living in mem.ai for now.

practice.. 2023 Dec 18.. recover from trip

what's up

nothing!

how it went

great! I never left the house. I slept.. I watched movies for minutes then slept through the rest.. I ate leftover pizza Ken got us on Saturday night. I didn't even do my puzzles which lost me a 90 odd day streak.. 😿 

practice.. 2023 Dec 17 Sun.. Denver trip

what's up

running to Denver!

how it went

long day. Fun though! ready for sleeping all day tomorrow. Found a harmonica I thought was stolen!

practice.. 2023 Dec 16 Sat

what's up

jam session!

how it went

jam session.. good! Then slept and caught up from being out until 4 am. Driving all day to Denver tomorrow.

practice.. 2023 Dec 15 Fri

what's up

open mic!

how it went

I did get a recording! Ken and I played at the big casino later and he did all the winning.. two jackpots and such.. woot!

practice.. 2023 Dec 14 Thu

what's up

pay bills.. side jam practice

how it went

great on both!

practice.. 2023 Dec 13 Wed

what's up

jam session! skipping SSSG story swap zoom.

how it went

I sang the silly little song.. silent kings!

practice.. 2023 Dec 12 Tue

what's up

literary rug!

how it went

I don't remember what I did.. It looks like I cleaned up email!

I got literary rug recorded!

practice.. 2023 Dec 11 Mon

what's up

another sick as a dog day

how it went

played my games.. slept.. watched movies.. Went to Burger King for breakfast and lunch at Taco Bell.

practice.. 2023 Dec 10 Sun.. chill day

what's up

chill day with Ken at home and yeah

how it went

remembering after.. lots of movies. A trip to Wendy's and then right to Taco Bell. Some wondering about how Hot Hands packets work. Big shopping trip to Walmart with Ken.

practice.. 2023 Dec 9 Sat.. jam session

what's up

Jam session in Lander!

how it went

I did that and played at the casino after and got $200 winnings to give Ken for last month's rent. I got in a lot of walking but still pretty sick and tired.

practice.. 2023 Dec 8 Fri

what's up

nothing much.. heh heh..

how it went

that was it. I'm still sick and resting. I did make it to breakfast with Ken. I did just a little banking stuff.

practice.. 2023 Dec 7 Thu.. jam and stories

what's up

Two things.. practice with what I call the Riverton Side Jam people, and a zoom meeting with a writing group in Washington.

how it went

I don't remember much from the practice group. I had a lovely night telling stories to the writing group. I told the same one I had been telling all week.. the vampire butt story and then immediately into the big butt killing the little boy's family. After their readings, they asked me for another story. I told them the nephew donates his arms story!

practice.. 2023 Dec 6 Wed.. jam session

coming up

I think I'm going to jam session tonight. I thought that about literary rug yesterday and didn't make it so we'll see. I'm not beyond going and getting out early, either, if things don't feel right. I have a cold sore on my upper lip that could mess with playing the harmonica. It was a headache that stopped me last night. There's a lot going on physically right now. If I do go, I'll want to charge up the microphone. I haven't played for weeks, either, so some gaming in my own might be in order today, as well. That seems like plenty for a first day coming off an illness.

how it went

I made it!

practice.. 2023 Dec 5 Tue.. almost literary rug

all day.. still sick

I tried to get myself up and moving for Literary Rug. Taco Bell seemed to help, then on the road out of town, my head was hurting and I felt bad about possibly giving the cold to anyone else. I turned around and came home.

8pm.. watched comedy workshop

Up in Olympia, Rhythms Coffee hosted a comedy and storytelling workshop tonight. I caught the live stream and it all gave me another kick in the butt to create more often.

10pm.. morning thing?

I'm thinking about another streak thing. I was writing 1000 words a day for like 4 years. I tried switching to this blog a day format. I'm not keeping up with it. I'm not posting any new material. On the other hand, I'm getting up and out to breakfast every day, and I'm playing a few games every day while I eat. I still want to use the blog space. Maybe it will just be shorter entries about what's coming up each day. That feels useful. I still like the idea of some type of reporting how the day went, as well. I might be thinking about sections.. planning then reporting. There's also this concept of bullet journaling, where I write about just the next thing at a time. I could experiment with just a morning or single day version of that. After playing my games, I write a paragraph about what else I'm thinking of doing each day. Maybe before that, I would finish yesterday's blog entry with a review of the day before. I'll try to remember with two new sections.. coming up and how it went. Maybe I'll be so excited to try it that I write first thing each day.. before breakfast? hmm.. 


practice.. 2023 Nov 27 Mon.. open mic!

open mic!

Still not well.. hope I didn't get anyone sick..

practice.. 2023 Nov 26 Sun.. renew

all day.. sick day.. ugh!

I had breakfast with Sandy and started getting the froggy throat Jonathan had when I was there last week. I ended up getting a room at Motel 6 for a couple nights and passed out as soon as I could check in at 3 pm. Good rest and renewal!

practice.. 2023 Nov 25 Sat.. chill day with music

all day.. napping and music

I guess I did end up working out at the gym a little, as well. I caught the evening show at Rhythms.. mostly jazzy stuff. I spent the night at Planet Fitness. I was pretty proud of myself. I went inside to pee at 1 am and ran into an old friend from the apartment in Tumwater 10 or so years ago named Jordan. He might show up at the open mic at Rhythms Monday night.

practice.. 2023 Nov 24 Fri.. Tellabration!

morning.. drive and work out

That was it. & finished the trip to Olympia and had plenty of time to check in at the gym and at Rhythms Coffee.

7pm.. Tellabration!

This was fun! I told Ann expanded version of the little Johnny Deer story that started with the vampire making my huge butt in the first place. I got the best groan ever or of an audience after I said Johnny had a tractor company!

10pm.. salsa dance

I ended up checking in and staying for the salsa dance, then spent the night at David's house.

practice.. 2023 Nov 23 Thu.. Thanksgiving

all day.. at Dan's house

I left Jonathan's and headed straight to Dan's house for Thanksgiving. I did take one little side road at the top of the pass before Pendleton. Dinner and catching up was fun.

practice.. 2023 Nov 22 Wed.. hang out in Idaho

all day.. chill in Idaho

We all got up and had breakfast, then headed to Walmart. I got some backup clothes to wear for the storytelling show Friday. Then I went to the Y and swam for an hour or it so. Sierra worked her butt off on Thanksgiving dinner and we entertained ourselves and the kids. It was fun. I slept well the night before and the swim loosened up all the joints nicely!

practice.. 2023 Nov 21 Tue.. travel to Idaho


all day.. driving mostly!

I got antsy at 3 am and started driving to the festivities this weekend. I made it to Jonathan's in Idaho. I drove through Jordan Canyon and ate breakfast at Angie's, a restaurant in Jordan that I found on a previous trip. Johnathan and Sierra fed me barbeque chicken and we went to bed after a movie.

practice.. 2023 Nov 20 Mon.. I wrote!

all day.. medium

yeah.. I wrote a little bit of a thing.. I don't know what's next which I published on Medium. Ken has already been in Idaho visiting his mom for Thanksgiving, so I also dug out the cat litter.

practice.. 2023 Nov 19 Sun.. story practice

morning.. recover

I slept in and just had a good peaceful day thinking about stories I could tell for Tellabration this Friday.

7pm.. practice

I settled at the last possible moment on the John Deer story I've been playing around with. It was only 3 minutes long thanks to comedy paring it down. I'm thinking of ways to expand a little.

practice.. 2023 Nov 18 Sat.. trip to Casper


all day.. jam and drive

That's it! After jam session, I got a message from Henry asking for a ride to Casper to pick up a new puppy! I said yes.

practice.. 2023 Nov 17 Fri.. open mic

morning.. chill breakfast

This was at Burger king and I missed breakfast. I still ate and played my games.. wordle, a mini crossword, connections, and 3 levels of sudoku, all from the New York Times people. It's a nice morning routine item that feels like it keeps my brain working or something.. haha!

6 pm.. open mic

This was the one by the Literary Rug people on the first and third Fridays. I read the leaf slam poem from last month and told the story with the song it's okay.


practice.. 2023 Nov 16 Thu.. bleh..

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all day.. nothing much?

I played my games at breakfast at Taco Bell then headed to Walmart. The last time I was in Lander.. Tuesday for Literary Rug.. I got there early and stopped at the music store across the street. I had a harmonica stolen from the car a few weeks ago. I picked up a used one at the music store and today I got a bottle of rubbing alcohol to soak the harmonica in. It plays really well! I missed practice with the Riverton side jam people. That was at 5 pm and I didn't get myself up and moving. I felt bad again. I wondered why I skip that opportunity so often. I'll keep working on music and get myself going more often.

I'm catching up on a few days of blog entries. The daily practice is good.. I'm seeing myself do the things that I don't always give myself credit for. It's morphing, too. Now that I'm using the tablet more, I might write a lot of these entries by hand. I may also just link to some practice sessions I recorded or created instead of always thinking I have to write it all out like this. hmm..

practice.. 2023 Nov 15 Wed.. jam session

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5pm.. jam session

It looks like that was about it today. I'm still catching up a day late for this one. I watched a movie about Herb Alpert.. a trumpet player and artist. I felt like I wasn't even trying.. again. I'm thinking I'm fine, though. It was a good kick in the butt. I'm wondering if some of that feeling is just good old impostor syndrome.

practice.. 2023 Nov 14 Tue.. literary rug!

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morning.. ideas and errands

I got up and moving early.. strange.. I had music playing all night while I slept. I woke up with the phrase "tone poem" in my head. When I asked Google for a definition, it brought up "symphonic poem" and talked about it being a storytelling experience or intent using music for mood and progression. I thought I might try telling my day in that way.. no words, just emotion? Then I went to breakfast and then went to Walmart to get the house key copied. Working on the tablet reminded me there was no charging available at my desk.. the way the room was arranged a while ago. I found an extension cord and I used my insurance benefit to buy a new electric toothbrush.

6pm.. literary rug!

I did it! I tried the morning idea and told the three little pigs story with no words. It was fun and I only wish I recorded it. Then I told the version I do where Bubba Wolff is a self defense instructor and he signs the two little brothers of the oldest sister pig up for classes after destroying their homes. The writing prompt was about changing stories like that, so I started writing out a version of Goldilocks where Bubba Wolff was babysitting a little blonde daughter of Little Red.

practice.. 2023 Nov 13 Mon.. rest and email

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all day.. thought about..

Some days are about setting myself up for the future. It feels like I didn't do much today.. looking back from Thursday, honestly. I realized the Chromebook tablet I have just needed charging. I tested that theory and also ended up taking some apps off that seemed distracting or also might have been using up the battery. I also seem to have cleaned up some email.

practice.. 2023 Nov 12 Sun.. easy day

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all day.. catching up

I looked up my timeline and browser history. I'm pretty sure I just got caught up with the daily practice blog then never ended up writing anything about the rest of that day for some reason. (Admission.. I'm catching up like that on Thu Nov 16 before bed.) It appears I was still thinking about writing tablets using e-ink, along with some other topics around music and art. Ken and I had a nice meal at KFC then wandered around Walmart after.

practice.. 2023 Nov 11 Sat.. fun busy day

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10am.. jam session

This was just a usual jam session. i had breakfast on the way in at the casino in Lander. I played and even sang a little bit at the jam session. I didn't try any of my own ideas.. I just kept passing my turn to the next guy. It was a lovely morning.

noon.. hanging a bit

I tried to hand out with Henry. It didn't last long before he got called away on other stuff. No worries.. I ended up at the gym with a good 10 minutes on a bike and another 10 minutes on the rowing machine. That was cool, too. I weighed in and I'm still right there between 210 and 215 on that scale. I'm a little surprised it hasn't gone up. I'm not doing all that much to make it go down, so that wasn't a shock.

afternoon.. adventures with Ken

We didn't do anything too extraordinary. We tried a Mexican place here in Riverton called Luna. It was pretty good food. Then we went to the casino and played a good while. I ran out of money pretty quick, which often means Ken does well.. sort of.. haha! Anyway, they had this slot tournament going so we stayed a bit longer than normal. I ended up getting to play one round. We came back for the awards announcements and yeah.. Ken played and shot right up so we stayed around longer again. Normally, I don't say much about all this.. I just ended up walking a lot more today than I have in a very long while.

practice.. 2023 Nov 10 Fri.. homework

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all day.. catching up

I've been considering the little devices I talked about yesterday. I don't know if I'm going to buy anything. I can feel some wisdom growing as I put more and more of the songs and other content into my new systems. One idea has been a link in songs to a playlist or at least a song or video that I can listen to while I sing the song on repeat or play along with the harmonica.

Another thing I did was catch up on my daily practice journal entries. Normally I would think this was cheating. I've been writing most of the drafts in the app.capacities.io spot that I've been using to stash songs as well. These entries all show up as a daily note in that app. I've been writing on time and even throughout the day updating. I just had to publish the notes to the blog. Otherwise it's been a quiet rest and renewal day.

practice.. 2023 Nov 9 Thu.. locked out!

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morning.. breakfast and playing
afternoon.. locked out!

I got home from breakfast which was more lunchtime but still my first meal? haha! The door was locked. I ended up driving to Lander and getting the house key from Ken. Then I tried connecting with friends in the area. I ultimately just went to the gym then headed to Walmart. I rolled around on the wheels and ate at Subway. It was a decently active day, though none of it was really planned? hmm..

evening.. shopping

I'm feeling this need to get another tablet of some kind. I took the one I have to Literary Rug with me and its battery was dead. I had thought it was fully charged and just sitting on my desk. I'm thinking also about a unit that could double as a music carrier.. so I can bring it along and have the chords and words to songs I'm learning right there with me. These devices with e-ink and e-paper that I can also write on feel like the right choice. I still don't know what I would put in the device. I'm not really adding much to the portfolio with the devices I own. bleh.. haha!

practice.. 2023 Nov 8 Wed.. oops!

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all day.. sleep

I took a little too much stuff to help me sleep and ended up sleeping through the jam session. I had a stomach ache all day, as well.

practice.. 2023 Nov 7 Tue.. literary rug!

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first half.. breakfast and vr fun

I'm trying to lift the depression again. It's not easy. It's slower than I wish. That might be the only thing I'm saying about that. How that goes is the same. I'm down and feeling blah blah blah, then I get up one day with just an inkling of energy and I try to get things moving again. The first thing I do is look around and pick up the pieces. I remember now how that was the worst part sometimes. I don't think I've felt this low for a while. At that time, I set up the stash of stories in Google Drive that I still use.

Today.. this week.. the last few times I've had this burst of energy.. I noticed physical things.. my hair and beard and nails were out of control. The energy goes to start fixing those things. Lately that's the limit. I'm wiped out and the next burst comes so much later that it feels like I'm doing the same things again. I'm always catching up. It's similar to pushing to get in shape.. too hard.. and injuring myself. The answer there is to maintain.. I find a level that doesn't invite myself and that I can do consistently.

The same could be my strategy with all the life stuff. I've been doing this practice blog fairly consistently. I've been attending jam sessions and open mic sessions regularly. I've been playing Wordle, sudoku and other little mental games each day. Today, in addition to all that at breakfast, I came home and played Beat Saber for 25 minutes, writing up a pretty good sweat.

6pm.. literary rug!

Ken brought some of his clients and we had a great time with the usual stories and readings. I talked about having the stuff stolen from the car. For the writing prompt, we wrote about people important to us. I chose Ken since he was sitting right there.. haha! I'll keep it going, I think. I just did a couple of limerick verses so far.

practice.. 2023 Nov 6 Mon.. stuff

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early morning.. reading?

I don't remember putting it on hold, but I got a notification that the book Be Useful by Arnold Schwarzenegger was ready to check out in the Libby app. I listened to some in the early morning before sleeping and yeah.. I'm impressed. I'm a little inspired.

I'm feeling better generally. I still haven't pinpointed whether a workout, like Friday night, makes me feel better, or if instead, I feel better about myself and life so I start doing the right stuff again. I took some time grinding down all my toenails Friday, as well. Again.. is a little self care a mood lifter? or is it a sign the mood has lifted? hmm.. Does it matter? I'm pretty sure they're a self reinforcing loop.. I can just do the one and the other is likely to follow almost automatically.. yes?

10am.. breakfast

I went out the door heading to Wendy's. They looked dead, which sometimes means only the drive thru is open. I passed them and ended up at Burger King. I ate and sat playing my nerdy puzzle games.. Wordle, a mini crossword, some three rounds of sudoku.. easy, medium and hard.. all from the New York Times people. This is another little thing I do each day and it takes 30 to 60 minutes, or longer. I haven't been giving myself credit for that energy.. until the last week or so, when I've been marking off the play check box above each day.

2pm.. blues.. not musical

I got back from breakfast and realized or verified they got a pair of ear buds the other night as well then they "broke into" my car the other night. This hurt a little. It also brought up some sadness about the whole state of things right now. The thing is, I haven't used those ear buds for over a month. They came to me free as a promotion when I bought a phone at some point. There's a sadness in my heart and it's taken a bit to take the focus off myself. I've never lived in a place where a need to steal was so strong. I'm seeing how much privilege and protection I've had over the years. I don't know what else to say about any of that. I'm not boasting. I've just been lucky for a very long time.

So I'm feeling down because I don't think I've tried at all to be a part of my neighborhood. I don't know why not and now I don't know how? It's a similar feeling to how I stop connecting with family and friends because I worry I'm a bother, then feel sad because I'm lonely, but I also feel like I'm the one who dropped the ball or whatever.. bleh.. another weird self perpetuating cycle.

practice.. 2023 Nov 5 Sun.. chill day

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all day.. not much

Mostly I just wandered around the internet. Ken and I went to Arby's for lunch. I tossed a card in my car and noticed a pill bottle in the wrong place. It looks like someone took my practice harmonica.. a $12 cheap one from the Fender people. I guess I'll try locking my doors. There's not much left in the car after they took an air compressor and a fitness watch a couple weeks ago.. maybe I'll have to inventory and see what needs to be in the car at all times like that so they don't break my windows to get the little I keep in there.

practice.. 2023 Nov 4 Sat.. jam session

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6am.. watching videos

I was just awake and started watching videos on Instagram when this came up.. feeling stuck

I really like the line.. "now is all there is of time.. all creation happens now." The other parts about focusing on things I can't control, and focusing on things I lack are right up there in my daily rumination ritual.

10am.. jam session

okay! I tried something! Finally! I tried Country Roads by John Denver. I had to switch keys down to G to sing it well. I am now in trouble.. They want me to sing more. haha!

afternoon.. chill

Ken and I tried a new restaurant in town.. Mt. Everest Nepalese and Indian Bistro.. long name.. haha! It was really great! We'll be back!

practice.. 2023 Nov 3 Fri.. open mic!

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6pm.. open mic

That was the big thing that happened. I did some songs on the harmonica and told a couple of stories. It was a good night!

8pm.. gym? what? yes!

I made it to the gym! I drove past the road and then I just turned around and went back and pedaled for 15 minutes. It felt good. I stretched just a couple more minutes and yeah.. It was a success getting there!

practice.. 2023 Nov 2 Thu.. bleh..

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all day.. chill

That's it. No music. No writing. I just took it easy today.. breakfast with Ken.. dinner at BK.. movies and napping the rest of the day.. bleh..

practice.. 2023 Nov 1 Wed.. jam session

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5pm.. dinner then jam session

I'm trying to think about all the stuff I might have worked on today. I mostly slept and watched movies. I got myself moving a little in the early afternoon to clean up a bit. I watched movies and napped and sort of wandered around on the internet a bit. Then I got to dinner at Taco Bell and headed to the Holiday Inn for the Wednesday jam session. woot! There were a couple things that I actually worked on.. we played You Ain't Going Nowhere and I also told the Ghost with Two Red Eyes story. It was just a great little jam session as usual!

practice.. 2023 Oct 31 Tue.. literary rug!

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11am.. breakfast ideas

Here's a thing.. I had some more ideas about the daily practices I'm working on. Over the last couple days to maybe almost a week, I've been working on this thought about a pomodoro timer.. officially 25 minute sessions and then a 5 minute break. Yesterday and this morning I kept working my way down a trail of thoughts about how the things I want to be doing are really conducive to the flow state, and I don't really want to stop myself if I'm doing some good work.. practicing a song.. writing a good part of a story.. things like that. I also mentioned yesterday that my personal flow state can be hijacked pretty easily.. It feels like I start out doing something useful and then I'm off into other stuff.. bleh..

I like this idea of the check boxes up above.. marking off which of my practices I touched on each day. It gives me a chance to account for and take credit for things I did that I don't necessarily mention here. It occurred to me today that I could also use those same boxes for balancing my day and the things I try doing. I could intentionally try checking off each box with a session. I'm not necessarily timing the sessions. I do like the intentional choosing of one task and practicing sticking with it for a while. There is some practice involved in keeping that focus.. I call that practice coming back.. or I did a while ago.. haha! When I'm not constrained by bosses or deadlines, it's easy to let myself wander from activity to activity throughout the day. This feeling of uselessness or waste then comes up at the end of the day when I realize it's literary rug day and I have no new stories or poems to share or it time for jam session and I'm still going to pass my turn when I could have had a song ready to suggest. I'll keep working on it. There's something in there about not being a brat to myself and only considering certain activities as "useful" or whatever. That was one nice thing about writing so long when I did 1000 words a day.. I eventually remembered or got to all the things I did each day. Even just writing that much was an accomplishment. I might just be thinking of ways to easily document the hour I spend fixing up a chord chart to a new song or even just playing the harmonica for a half hour mindlessly.. it's still practice and building up the portfolio.

7pm.. literary rug

I really love these nights. I ended up telling the nephew giving me his arms story and then I told the ghost with two red eyes story that Dad told all the time. It was pretty fun. It's easy to feel productive and good about these days when I'm out and about trying stuff in front of other people.

practice.. 2023 Oct 30 Mon.. thinking and stuff

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all day.. thoughts again

I don't really have much to say about how the day went. I was thinking more about this idea of pomodoro sessions.. where I time the things I do. It got me thinking about how I do pause and intend to do some thing or another and then I find myself a couple hours later wondering where the day went. Some of the things I do are meant to or start out meaning to feel productive and useful after. I do get distracted easily and I get inhibited by feelings of reluctance to start on some of the big idea type of projects I have in mind.

I was also thinking up some ideas this morning or maybe the other morning.. about things my body could mimic for a vaudeville type act.. like what to my feet look like? I used to play with the shadows of my wrist and hand, which can be made to look like a giant spider.. My butt looks like two cloves of garlic in the bulb.. that sort of thing.

The bigger issue.. I think? haha! and ugh.. is I didn't feel like I had an automatic place to sit and write out any of those ideas. I just don't have what some systems call an inbox.. a place to dump all my new ideas. Well.. hmm.. I'm writing here all the time. I feel like I could just jot down things on blank pages, they call them in the capacities.io app that I'm using right now. I jot down songs and stuff in Google Keep, as well. There, I could even write a bit by hand if that feels useful.

practice.. 2023 Oct 29 Sun.. connect mostly

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all day.. hang out

That's pretty much it.. Ken and I went to Taco Bell and then Walmart and when we got home, we ate up all the goodies we found while watching movies! fun!

practice.. 2023 Oct 28 Sat.. jam session

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10am.. jam session

This was fun. I got there late after breakfast at Deka Guy Hee.. the restaurant at the Shoshone Rose Casino. One of the guys showed us a song called Ashokan Farewell that I added to my practicing list. Nothing else really stood out until the end when I got to talk a little about how life is sort of an engineering project for me a lot of the time.

afternoon.. hang with Ken

I watched Ken work.. haha! We ended up grabbing lunch at The Rusty Truck here in town. When we got back we started a puzzle by sorting out the edge pieces and turning most of the pieces right side up. Now we're just chilling watching movies.

evening.. portfolio stuff..

I'm playing around with some of the songs I have been thinking about. I'm adding them to the little song book thing in this capacities.io app I found a while ago. To bring stuff to jam sessions, I'll want to know the chord progressions so others can play along with me. For songs I hear about at jam sessions, there are already chord charts floating around. It's hard picking a song I want to learn. I don't know why? It feels related to the wasting time on efforts that won't mean much later.. hmm.. silly!

practice.. 2023 Oct 27 Fri.. tried.. failed?

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all day.. just a day

I'm still struggling. I'm okay. I'll try again.. or I'll tweak my expectations and yeah.. I chatted with friends a little and otherwise took a renewal day.. is what I'm calling it.

practice.. 2023 Oct 26 Thu.. thinking and connecting

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10pm.. a day..

Here I am at the end of a day feeling like I didn't really do much. I didn't, either. I have days like that. There's a lot going on up in my head and I'm low key afraid of some of it. I have a lot of stuff I want to.. or say I want to.. get done. I have plenty of stuff I can work on and build up and create and sustain and generally keep going. I have obscene amounts of time on my hand. Still.. I'm petrified. I'm scared to move and make moves. I'm afraid of what? hmm.. I'm terrified of building up something only to watch it crash and burn. I'm afraid of wasting time and energy on creating things that don't matter.

Immediately, I find the thoughts occurring that I am already wasting time doing nothing with my days, instead. A whole argument is brewing about resting and renewing and about the little things I do that I don't really give myself credit for. I miss the 1000 words a day practice when I have days like this sometimes. I felt accomplished, like I had done something hard each day I did that. It really did serve its purpose, though. I'm not ready to bring it back in that exact form. What I'm doing now.. writing here about the things I am doing.. feels too lax. It's too easy to not do anything all day, then justify it in a few words.

I intended this daily practice to be hard. I wanted more videos and recordings of me trying stuff. Just the time it takes to edit and create that documentation is valuable as experience learning software, thinking about how it looks as a finished product, and yeah.. bleh.. Still.. I'm struggling with making up a new system or daily routine or whatever that leaves me feeling productive.

Actually.. I'm scared of that, as well. Routines and systems take up a lot of space in my head. They are fun to play with and tweak and refine and manage. They are a great way to avoid having to do the stuff the system is meant to document me doing. So.. Here I am writing about it all.. which is a close second to not doing anything and just thinking about it all.

Some good things happened today. I watched a movie called Old Dads about a lot of things. The story line I got the most out of was one of the dads dealing with anger and repeatedly being called toxic. I saw myself in his ability to or his habit of just getting used to things being a certain way. Another interaction many months ago reminded me of the word defeatism. See? Those thoughts came together today and I'm starting to think of ways to get myself out of this funk I'm catching myself resigning to.. yeah.. haha!

I reached out to a couple of friends. Actually, I was surprised by a younger friend who sent me a short video about a man talking about being strong and trying to hide sadness from those around him so he can be an example of.. hmm.. hope? not letting the world finish you? It has a lot of stuff all in minutes or less. yeah.. hmm..

So I'm here. I haven't written long like this for a while. It feels good tonight. I have some ideas for tweaking this practice and helping sort of to encourage myself to do more without triggering this guilt and rebellious resistance feeling that comes up. One such idea is to try more intentional sprees of activity throughout the day.. like little versions of Pomodoro sessions. I don't know. I'm just thinking and talking. Most of my best systems came up from just doing the stuff I am so weirdly afraid of doing and at the same time craving doing the same things.

practice.. 2023 Oct 25 Wed.. jam session

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6pm.. jam session

That is all. Actually, they did have an amazing food item.. of all things to mention about jam session.. a shepherd's pie that I ended up eating twice! haha! I played a few solos and nothing really stood out. It was a good time, though! woohoo!

practice.. 2023 Oct 24 Tue.. literary rug

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7pm.. literary rug

Tonight was fun! I wasn't sure what I was going to tell and ended up talking mostly about the time Ken and I discovered Willow Creek in Middleton, Idaho, where we would spend a lot of summer time. Then there was a writing prompt. I ended up in the restroom and instead just sort of improvised the stuff about the topic "masks" which I did get recorded..



practice.. 2023 Oct 23 Mon.. bedroom stuff!

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2pm.. arrange room

The sheets fell off the bed again. There wasn't really space for me to get them changed even though I moved things around a few weeks ago to help fix that. Today I tried again and I'm pretty happy with how it looks and works now. It took a bit of work and feels like I did a physical activity mission!

practice.. 2023 Oct 22 Sun.. sustain stuff online

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all day.. catch up

A lot of today was from catching up email. I checked out options for insurance this next year and played with some of the songs in a new app or two. That'll do.

practice.. 2023 Oct 21 Sat.. jam session!

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10am.. jam session!

This went pretty well! I didn't try anything really interesting. I did talk about the walking wheels idea. The local college might have people who can help with that. There is also a maker group who might have people and ideas.

afternoon.. add a song

I built the doc for storms never last and played around with cleaning up some of the other songs I'm working on with the side group here in Riverton.

practice.. 2023 Oct 20 Fri.. open mic!

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morning.. writing

Ken and I headed to McD's for breakfast and when we got back, I started writing a document I talked about starting on Oct 17.. a want ad for an all terrain version of the rolling wheels. Right now, it's posted as a page on my wandering blog though I might move it around to places where I can control the look and feel a little better. Here's what I have so far.. WANTED!

6pm.. open mic

The Literary Rug People are doing an open mic night the first and third Fridays and tonight was the first run! It was pretty cool! A couple of us ended up going twice to fill out the time. I told the vampire butt story, the Johnny Deer story, and the second round I rambled on about finding music then played Twinkle Twinkle Little Star on the harmonica.