practice.. 2023 Nov 6 Mon.. stuff

   ☒ practice 
   ☒ portfolio 
   ☐ participate 
   ☒ learn 
   ☐ connect 
   ☐ renew 
   ☐ sustain 
   ☐ explore 
   ☒ play 

early morning.. reading?

I don't remember putting it on hold, but I got a notification that the book Be Useful by Arnold Schwarzenegger was ready to check out in the Libby app. I listened to some in the early morning before sleeping and yeah.. I'm impressed. I'm a little inspired.

I'm feeling better generally. I still haven't pinpointed whether a workout, like Friday night, makes me feel better, or if instead, I feel better about myself and life so I start doing the right stuff again. I took some time grinding down all my toenails Friday, as well. Again.. is a little self care a mood lifter? or is it a sign the mood has lifted? hmm.. Does it matter? I'm pretty sure they're a self reinforcing loop.. I can just do the one and the other is likely to follow almost automatically.. yes?

10am.. breakfast

I went out the door heading to Wendy's. They looked dead, which sometimes means only the drive thru is open. I passed them and ended up at Burger King. I ate and sat playing my nerdy puzzle games.. Wordle, a mini crossword, some three rounds of sudoku.. easy, medium and hard.. all from the New York Times people. This is another little thing I do each day and it takes 30 to 60 minutes, or longer. I haven't been giving myself credit for that energy.. until the last week or so, when I've been marking off the play check box above each day.

2pm.. blues.. not musical

I got back from breakfast and realized or verified they got a pair of ear buds the other night as well then they "broke into" my car the other night. This hurt a little. It also brought up some sadness about the whole state of things right now. The thing is, I haven't used those ear buds for over a month. They came to me free as a promotion when I bought a phone at some point. There's a sadness in my heart and it's taken a bit to take the focus off myself. I've never lived in a place where a need to steal was so strong. I'm seeing how much privilege and protection I've had over the years. I don't know what else to say about any of that. I'm not boasting. I've just been lucky for a very long time.

So I'm feeling down because I don't think I've tried at all to be a part of my neighborhood. I don't know why not and now I don't know how? It's a similar feeling to how I stop connecting with family and friends because I worry I'm a bother, then feel sad because I'm lonely, but I also feel like I'm the one who dropped the ball or whatever.. bleh.. another weird self perpetuating cycle.