practice.. 2023 Jul 4 Tue.. watching and fireworks

noon.. a couple good movies..
Today I did a type of homework. I watched movies I have come across that seemed important to watch based on the things I'm telling myself I want to accomplish in the near future. This afternoon I came across I've with Patrick Stewart as a pianist with stage fright after his wife died and then again after a new person in his life also died. After that I watched Billy Elliot again.. I can watch that one millions of times. There was a strange third movie today called Breath about two Australian boys learning about fear, of all things. It was a lot to now put into any real thoughts. The idea of fear was likely the thing I most needed to think about. I'm getting terrified of trying things. The last few days of my daily practice thing have been feeling pretty weak. Weak isn't the right word. What I'm really feeling is reactive when I'd rather act more intentionally and move in chosen directions rather than acting only when opportunities arise. This may not be a thing in this life. As soon as I tell myself the above, I remember how I ran into the right people at Vaudeville and then at dance and then at open mics. This organic random growth has been just as rewarding if not more so than me trying to consciously choose a path to creativity and expressing myself. yeah.. There may be more on all that.

10pm.. fireworks
Now I'm going to watch the show and go home.