practice.. 2023 Oct 31 Tue.. literary rug!

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11am.. breakfast ideas

Here's a thing.. I had some more ideas about the daily practices I'm working on. Over the last couple days to maybe almost a week, I've been working on this thought about a pomodoro timer.. officially 25 minute sessions and then a 5 minute break. Yesterday and this morning I kept working my way down a trail of thoughts about how the things I want to be doing are really conducive to the flow state, and I don't really want to stop myself if I'm doing some good work.. practicing a song.. writing a good part of a story.. things like that. I also mentioned yesterday that my personal flow state can be hijacked pretty easily.. It feels like I start out doing something useful and then I'm off into other stuff.. bleh..

I like this idea of the check boxes up above.. marking off which of my practices I touched on each day. It gives me a chance to account for and take credit for things I did that I don't necessarily mention here. It occurred to me today that I could also use those same boxes for balancing my day and the things I try doing. I could intentionally try checking off each box with a session. I'm not necessarily timing the sessions. I do like the intentional choosing of one task and practicing sticking with it for a while. There is some practice involved in keeping that focus.. I call that practice coming back.. or I did a while ago.. haha! When I'm not constrained by bosses or deadlines, it's easy to let myself wander from activity to activity throughout the day. This feeling of uselessness or waste then comes up at the end of the day when I realize it's literary rug day and I have no new stories or poems to share or it time for jam session and I'm still going to pass my turn when I could have had a song ready to suggest. I'll keep working on it. There's something in there about not being a brat to myself and only considering certain activities as "useful" or whatever. That was one nice thing about writing so long when I did 1000 words a day.. I eventually remembered or got to all the things I did each day. Even just writing that much was an accomplishment. I might just be thinking of ways to easily document the hour I spend fixing up a chord chart to a new song or even just playing the harmonica for a half hour mindlessly.. it's still practice and building up the portfolio.

7pm.. literary rug

I really love these nights. I ended up telling the nephew giving me his arms story and then I told the ghost with two red eyes story that Dad told all the time. It was pretty fun. It's easy to feel productive and good about these days when I'm out and about trying stuff in front of other people.

practice.. 2023 Oct 30 Mon.. thinking and stuff

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all day.. thoughts again

I don't really have much to say about how the day went. I was thinking more about this idea of pomodoro sessions.. where I time the things I do. It got me thinking about how I do pause and intend to do some thing or another and then I find myself a couple hours later wondering where the day went. Some of the things I do are meant to or start out meaning to feel productive and useful after. I do get distracted easily and I get inhibited by feelings of reluctance to start on some of the big idea type of projects I have in mind.

I was also thinking up some ideas this morning or maybe the other morning.. about things my body could mimic for a vaudeville type act.. like what to my feet look like? I used to play with the shadows of my wrist and hand, which can be made to look like a giant spider.. My butt looks like two cloves of garlic in the bulb.. that sort of thing.

The bigger issue.. I think? haha! and ugh.. is I didn't feel like I had an automatic place to sit and write out any of those ideas. I just don't have what some systems call an inbox.. a place to dump all my new ideas. Well.. hmm.. I'm writing here all the time. I feel like I could just jot down things on blank pages, they call them in the capacities.io app that I'm using right now. I jot down songs and stuff in Google Keep, as well. There, I could even write a bit by hand if that feels useful.

practice.. 2023 Oct 29 Sun.. connect mostly

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all day.. hang out

That's pretty much it.. Ken and I went to Taco Bell and then Walmart and when we got home, we ate up all the goodies we found while watching movies! fun!

practice.. 2023 Oct 28 Sat.. jam session

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10am.. jam session

This was fun. I got there late after breakfast at Deka Guy Hee.. the restaurant at the Shoshone Rose Casino. One of the guys showed us a song called Ashokan Farewell that I added to my practicing list. Nothing else really stood out until the end when I got to talk a little about how life is sort of an engineering project for me a lot of the time.

afternoon.. hang with Ken

I watched Ken work.. haha! We ended up grabbing lunch at The Rusty Truck here in town. When we got back we started a puzzle by sorting out the edge pieces and turning most of the pieces right side up. Now we're just chilling watching movies.

evening.. portfolio stuff..

I'm playing around with some of the songs I have been thinking about. I'm adding them to the little song book thing in this capacities.io app I found a while ago. To bring stuff to jam sessions, I'll want to know the chord progressions so others can play along with me. For songs I hear about at jam sessions, there are already chord charts floating around. It's hard picking a song I want to learn. I don't know why? It feels related to the wasting time on efforts that won't mean much later.. hmm.. silly!

practice.. 2023 Oct 27 Fri.. tried.. failed?

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all day.. just a day

I'm still struggling. I'm okay. I'll try again.. or I'll tweak my expectations and yeah.. I chatted with friends a little and otherwise took a renewal day.. is what I'm calling it.

practice.. 2023 Oct 26 Thu.. thinking and connecting

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10pm.. a day..

Here I am at the end of a day feeling like I didn't really do much. I didn't, either. I have days like that. There's a lot going on up in my head and I'm low key afraid of some of it. I have a lot of stuff I want to.. or say I want to.. get done. I have plenty of stuff I can work on and build up and create and sustain and generally keep going. I have obscene amounts of time on my hand. Still.. I'm petrified. I'm scared to move and make moves. I'm afraid of what? hmm.. I'm terrified of building up something only to watch it crash and burn. I'm afraid of wasting time and energy on creating things that don't matter.

Immediately, I find the thoughts occurring that I am already wasting time doing nothing with my days, instead. A whole argument is brewing about resting and renewing and about the little things I do that I don't really give myself credit for. I miss the 1000 words a day practice when I have days like this sometimes. I felt accomplished, like I had done something hard each day I did that. It really did serve its purpose, though. I'm not ready to bring it back in that exact form. What I'm doing now.. writing here about the things I am doing.. feels too lax. It's too easy to not do anything all day, then justify it in a few words.

I intended this daily practice to be hard. I wanted more videos and recordings of me trying stuff. Just the time it takes to edit and create that documentation is valuable as experience learning software, thinking about how it looks as a finished product, and yeah.. bleh.. Still.. I'm struggling with making up a new system or daily routine or whatever that leaves me feeling productive.

Actually.. I'm scared of that, as well. Routines and systems take up a lot of space in my head. They are fun to play with and tweak and refine and manage. They are a great way to avoid having to do the stuff the system is meant to document me doing. So.. Here I am writing about it all.. which is a close second to not doing anything and just thinking about it all.

Some good things happened today. I watched a movie called Old Dads about a lot of things. The story line I got the most out of was one of the dads dealing with anger and repeatedly being called toxic. I saw myself in his ability to or his habit of just getting used to things being a certain way. Another interaction many months ago reminded me of the word defeatism. See? Those thoughts came together today and I'm starting to think of ways to get myself out of this funk I'm catching myself resigning to.. yeah.. haha!

I reached out to a couple of friends. Actually, I was surprised by a younger friend who sent me a short video about a man talking about being strong and trying to hide sadness from those around him so he can be an example of.. hmm.. hope? not letting the world finish you? It has a lot of stuff all in minutes or less. yeah.. hmm..

So I'm here. I haven't written long like this for a while. It feels good tonight. I have some ideas for tweaking this practice and helping sort of to encourage myself to do more without triggering this guilt and rebellious resistance feeling that comes up. One such idea is to try more intentional sprees of activity throughout the day.. like little versions of Pomodoro sessions. I don't know. I'm just thinking and talking. Most of my best systems came up from just doing the stuff I am so weirdly afraid of doing and at the same time craving doing the same things.

practice.. 2023 Oct 25 Wed.. jam session

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6pm.. jam session

That is all. Actually, they did have an amazing food item.. of all things to mention about jam session.. a shepherd's pie that I ended up eating twice! haha! I played a few solos and nothing really stood out. It was a good time, though! woohoo!

practice.. 2023 Oct 24 Tue.. literary rug

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7pm.. literary rug

Tonight was fun! I wasn't sure what I was going to tell and ended up talking mostly about the time Ken and I discovered Willow Creek in Middleton, Idaho, where we would spend a lot of summer time. Then there was a writing prompt. I ended up in the restroom and instead just sort of improvised the stuff about the topic "masks" which I did get recorded..

practice.. 2023 Oct 23 Mon.. bedroom stuff!

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2pm.. arrange room

The sheets fell off the bed again. There wasn't really space for me to get them changed even though I moved things around a few weeks ago to help fix that. Today I tried again and I'm pretty happy with how it looks and works now. It took a bit of work and feels like I did a physical activity mission!

practice.. 2023 Oct 22 Sun.. sustain stuff online

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all day.. catch up

A lot of today was from catching up email. I checked out options for insurance this next year and played with some of the songs in a new app or two. That'll do.

practice.. 2023 Oct 21 Sat.. jam session!

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10am.. jam session!

This went pretty well! I didn't try anything really interesting. I did talk about the walking wheels idea. The local college might have people who can help with that. There is also a maker group who might have people and ideas.

afternoon.. add a song

I built the doc for storms never last and played around with cleaning up some of the other songs I'm working on with the side group here in Riverton.

practice.. 2023 Oct 20 Fri.. open mic!

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morning.. writing

Ken and I headed to McD's for breakfast and when we got back, I started writing a document I talked about starting on Oct 17.. a want ad for an all terrain version of the rolling wheels. Right now, it's posted as a page on my wandering blog though I might move it around to places where I can control the look and feel a little better. Here's what I have so far.. WANTED!

6pm.. open mic

The Literary Rug People are doing an open mic night the first and third Fridays and tonight was the first run! It was pretty cool! A couple of us ended up going twice to fill out the time. I told the vampire butt story, the Johnny Deer story, and the second round I rambled on about finding music then played Twinkle Twinkle Little Star on the harmonica.

practice.. 2023 Oct 19 Thu.. play!

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5pm.. practice with side group

This was fun. It was different. They talked a lot and really seemed to uplift and inspire each other. I like that we were all challenged to bring songs for us all to work on together. We only really played 3 songs the whole time. hmm..

10pm.. fun long session playing Beat Saber

I added this as a practice session with just me as the group. I felt accomplished. Beat Saber gets me moving my upper body quite a bit. It balances walking and biking and rolling around which is the other activity I get sometimes.

practice.. 2023 Oct 18 Wed.. jam session!

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morning.. breakfast and practice

I'm still getting ready for the debut of our little song You Ain't Goin Nowhere tonight at the jam session so I played it over and over for a good half hour in the car when I got home after Burger King.

6pm.. jam session

It was a good night! I realized I forgot to charge the little mic that I attach to the harmonica frame. I sat in the car with it charging right up until the jam started, but yeah.. it died.. but not until the very end. The song.. You Ain't Goin Nowhere.. was pretty good. There was a mix up in the middle somewhere when the singers didn't come back in for the third verse. I had a couple of other solo opportunities and after, Karen and Pete were telling me things sounded really good tonight.. woohoo!

practice.. 2023 Oct 17 Tue.. literary rug!

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7pm.. literary rug!

This was a really fun night! I told my Thelma Crowell story and started with a little talk about cisableism as I'm making it all up. After the event, we chatted at the Lander Bar. I parked a little too far away and when I stopped to rest, I told Korey and Alex about my idea for my new more all-terrain rolling wheels. I'm inspired to start a "want ad" type post on my various social media accounts that starts listing specs and asks for networking help.

practice.. 2023 Oct 16 Mon.. not much

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all day.. chill again

I did make my bed and clean up a bit. A couple things were taken from the car overnight. I'm not too worried about those particular items. Still, I acted stressed and depressed for the rest of the day.. movies and games and such. I ran Kayden over to McD's at one point.

practice.. 2023 Oct 15 Sun.. chill day

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all day.. chill and connect

I got up pretty early and went to Burger King for breakfast. I got home and slept a bit more after that, then Ken, Kayden asked I went to the Thai Chef here in Riverton. We ended with a trip to Walmart and then we all just did our own thing.

practice.. 2023 Oct 14 Sat.. jam session!

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10am.. jam session

This was just another ordinary jam session. didn't try any stories and didn't mention or lead any songs. I did say was about to. haha! I've been saying that all the months I've been going. Still. used to bring my little ideas with sometimes and even got people playing along with Ode to Joy and yeah.. could do more. as always? haha!

1pm.. fix up the harmonica

I stopped at Taco Bell on the way home and then went to Walmart and picked up a t-handle screwdriver set. It ended up helping quite a bit when I was installing the new reed plates on the Low D harmonica that had the broken reed. It has 5 screws holding the reed plates together and didn't think the straight shaped screwdriver would work. I'm learning to keep the work area contained.. didn't lose any screws, though did drop one which reminded me to keep stuff contained. Mostly that just meant putting the working stuff in a drawer and additionally, working inside the old harmonica case. That kept things from slipping around on me, as well. So yeah.. success! woot!

practice.. 2023 Oct 13 Fri.. eek!

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all day.. Ken's birthday!

Yup! Ken had a birthday on Friday the 13th! It doesn't sound like he got pushed into any puddles.. haha! We went out to an early lunch at Dairy Queen and got blizzards. I went home and just chilled all day but not in a bad mood sort of way? I don't know. I'm sometimes mad at myself for taking it easy on certain days. This wasn't one of those angry depressed days. I went over to Walmart and walked leaning on a cart at the end of day. It was difficult, but I'm happy with it and will count it as a physical activity mission!

practice.. 2023 Oct 12 Thu.. just a day

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morning.. shopping?

I went to breakfast then wandered over to Walmart. My little electric cart died and I ended up just leaving.. I'll head back later, I think. haha!

5pm.. practice!

I had a nice practice session with the group including Mary, Carl, Kenny and Pat, along with some other people.. Susan? I think? They are a little side group that practices together for the Riverton weekly jam on Wednesdays. I'm loving learning from them.

practice.. 2023 Oct 11.. story swap!

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11am.. fix harmonica

I bought the Low F reed plates for my Lee Oskar harmonica even though I didn't need them.. other than that I didn't like the high pitch of the regular key of F that Daniel in Olympia bought me last year. It was a good experience changing them out today. I had trouble twisting hard enough. The screws are self tapping.. meaning I'm twisting them and cutting the thread right into the metal on the other side. This is one reason for remembering the screw positions specifically when taking it back apart later. I lost one of the new screws. I chose the best looking old one and reused it. The cutting new threads couldn't happen with just my hands. I pushed down with my teeth on the screwdriver. The instructions said there might be squeaking. I was going so slow that it was just weird clicking that I thought at first was something breaking. It was working and I got the three screws in! woot!

The other difficult part was putting the covers back on.. The covers are spring loaded.. bent so all the layers must be squeezed together while pushing a screw through and getting a tiny nut to grab the thread. It turns out the lapel clip from my microphone is just the right size for one side. For the other side, I finally ended up stacking it all on top of two popsicle sticks which kept the screw and all the layers in place while I pressed it all together with my thumbnail on the center of the little nut. It's a square shape, so that left just enough showing that I could flick the corners and finally turn the nut onto the screw enough that they were then holding it all together. After that it was easy enough to tighten up the screws and there was just enough friction that the little square nuts eventually stayed tight.

I was really excited to hear the new sound. I played a little tune and found out the 4 hole draw note wasn't working. I tried a few pushes from inside the hole to give the reed a little more space.. opening the gap, I think it's called.. and finally I realized I would have to take off the cover and look at the reed directly.. ugh.. I finally got it bent just right and it plays beautifully now! Also, putting the cover back on was now a science, and went much smoother. woohoo!

I took off to lunch to celebrate and when I got home, Ken was home already.. that never happens. Turns out he looked exhausted at work and his coworkers all insisted he go home and take it easy for a day.

7pm.. story swap

I got on the zoom meeting for the Story Guild up in Olympia. Randi told the story about boating with her dad and sister. I ended up singing the hearse song, telling the rose surprises death story, the little almost joke size one about sad you don't see.. where a ghost says to an unbeliever how sad it is they don't see ghosts.. when they look up, the ghost is gone.. and I ended with the transplant story about my nephew being an organ donor. It was fun! I was so happy that I went to the casino and donated $60.. haha! and ugh..

practice.. 2023 Oct 10 Tue.. literary rug!

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early midnight.. still playing

That's about it.. haha! I'm starting today's entry with a new little practice checklist in the corner. Hopefully everything will paste in from wherever it needs to.

afternoon.. writing

I just cleaned up the rose surprises death story outline and then the mail came and I opened up my new toys.. a case that will hopefully carry everything for the jam sessions and a couple of reed plate sets.. one in Low D for the broken reed and another in Low F just to try the different octave.

7pm.. literary rug

I told the rose surprises death story without notes. I liked how it came out. I'll keep working on it a little. It's due tomorrow night.. haha! We had a writing prompt..

writing prompt.. cucumbers, caves, crocodiles

There's a giant cucumber on our table. It's been there a month at least. I haven't eaten it, obviously. Then, over the weekend, we stopped at a buffet and I voraciously ate cucumber salad. In the middle of it, I remembered that lonely cucumber at home.. awkward!!

It's a cave, not a tunnel! There was a time when I had a lot of zits. I don't hear that word much. One of them formed on my ear. I dug at that one a lot and now, years later, it still looks like I pierced my left ear.. but only from the front.

A game we used to play on road trips! Aunt Abby went on a trip and she took along an apple, a ball, and a crocodile.. An apple and a ball look similar to a crocodile, who was headed to the dentist.. I dressed up as an apple to go to the ball, said the crocodile. The dentist decided she would go as an elephant..

practice.. 2023 Oct 9 Mon.. new thing!

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7am.. breakfast and Les Schwab

I woke up early after sleeping pretty early last night. I got my battery replaced and the wipers on the front replaced, as well.

afternoon..

This afternoon, I decided to update all the past few days of these practice blog entries. I'm deciding to write them all in this little capacities.io app I have been trying out. I caught it all up and who knows what I'll write up next about the rest of the day. In the app, I'm checking off the daily practices I accomplished today. I did that for the few days in the app. I'm thinking of a way to transfer a view of the checklist to the blog.

evening.. play!

I purchased a song pack from Linkin' Park for this virtual reality game called Beat Saber a few days ago and I finally played it.. a lot.. tonight! It's a decent physical activity mission even. I watched a couple of people from Olympia at the open mic at Rhythms as well. It didn't last long.. haha! Mostly I just played my game. That's enough.. haha!

practice.. 2023 Oct 8 Sun.. back home

all day.. shop and travel home

That was it. I was worn out and ended up crying in the back seat after acting like a grump and people. I think that's all it was. I'm just happy to be home and go pretty much straight to bed.. bleh..

practice.. 2023 Oct 7 Sat.. travel!

8am.. breakfast and no jam

I thought Ken was asleep and I got out to the car for breakfast then maybe head to jam session in Lander.. nope! I decided to go with Ken and Henry to Denver instead. I got a quick breakfast by myself and was thinking about the car battery and some other stuff. It's all good. Just traveled all day hanging out with friends!

practice.. 2023 Oct 6 Fri.. cried today

10am.. breakfast

Nothing special.. I just went to Burger King and caught them serving the last few breakfast items.

the rest of the day.. sadness?

I'm feeling sad and grumpy with myself today. I do that sometimes. It made me actually sit and cry for a bit this afternoon. I'm going to be okay. I'm also not doing much about it and the physical activity missions are suffering.. they're not happening.. and I am confident they would help here quite a bit. I'll get on that.

practice.. 2023 Oct 5 Thu.. more rest

all day.. bleh.. just tired

I don't know what's wrong. I don't know if anything is really wrong. I'm just out of it this week. bleh.. I was invited to go to the practice session like last Thursday.. 2023-09-28

practice.. 2023 Oct 4 Wed.. jam session!

all day.. pretty chill

I still am not doing much.. lots of renewal practice. I'm trying not to be depressed about it. It doesn't always work.

7pm.. jam session

I actually tried the donated arms story where I found out about full arm transplants. I am glad I practiced it here as it has been a while and it showed me some weak places I can clean up.

practice.. 2023 Oct 3 Tue.. sick day

all day.. sick

It's nothing terrible. I'm just staying home from stuff because I don't trust my stomach. I'm missing Literary Rug tonight and I am not really doing much else. I .. yeah..

practice.. 2023 Oct 2 Mon.. bleh..

all day.. bleh..

yeah.. didn't do much today at all. I was going to do a lot.. haha! That said, I did come across a lot of different versions of the song.. You Ain't Going Nowhere.. and didn't pull out a harmonica to try some things.. I should though..

practice.. 2023 Oct 1 Sun.. recovery!

all day.. not much at all!

I had a little bit of gas money and a friend helped so we took a little trip to Denver yesterday. We had a good time and I had a weird feeling of being ready to dive into all my stuff even deeper than I'm trying right now. I've had a few weeks of really down emotion and it was nice to feel that lift while I was driving down. We got back early this morning and I grabbed breakfast at Burger King before even making it home to pass out in bed a good little while. It wasn't anything spectacular, and I think I'll still be ready to go to sleep on schedule tonight. I'm just catching up on several days of these practice blog entries, and I'll likely go do something fun later. This kind of tiredness can interfere with the motivation I felt on the trip down yesterday.. bleh.. haha!